Gnashing of teeth

Tomorrow is my grandson's first birthday.  I have not seen him in weeks and it does not look like that situation is going to change any time soon.  I wanted to get him a gift so he would know his Grandma had not forgotten about him.  I ended up not getting him anything material because there was simply no way to get it to him.  The confines of a restraining order.  The best I can give him is my love, my prayers, and my heartfelt desire to see him again.  This was a path I feared when my son told me he was going to be a Daddy.  His intentions were pure; I'm just not sure he truly thought the whole situation through thoroughly.  There is a possibility he has another child out there.  A little girl.  With each new piece of information that tears at my heart, there is a lesion that forms with no hope of healing.  To care too much is not a blessing in and of itself.  Sometimes it's just easier to build the blocks that stop the hurt.  But hurt brings character and a chance for hope and happiness to bloom in the wasted field of scars.  It appears easier to hide behind the walls when in reality there is so much life you miss out on.  Feeling is a better option than not feeling at all.  What is more intoxicating than joy and love?  We all learn the hard way that a broken heart will not kill us physically but can oft times strip us of life spiritually.  Take the chance.  Enjoy the joy.   Remember the old saying; You cannot appreciate the highs without the lows.

My hope is that someday the situation will rectify itself and I'll have the answers he needs when the time comes.